Devout Catholic Joe Biden Gives Up Cognitive Tests for Lent
Biden announced he was also considering giving up talking in coherent sentences and walking in a straight line.
Kamala Seen Practicing Her Presidential Cackle
“When we need medicine, we need laughter. Medicine itself is highly medicinal and makes us feel better. And laughter is laughing.”
White House Staffers Lock Nukes With New Security Question ‘Which of These Images Shows Mexico’
Staffers say this measure has nothing to do with Biden’s impeccable performance at the press conference last week.
Is Your Date Transgender? 10 Signs to Look For
The Bee is here to help you determine your date’s true gender with the following list of signs to watch for.
Joe Biden Sees Shadow, Attempts to Shake Its Hand
Biden also predicted another six weeks of “winterburgenphdtughergh.”
Mayorkas Says He’s Not Sure How He Can Be Impeached When He Doesn’t Even Do Anything
“I have done literally nothing at all. How can that be a crime?”
California Becomes First State to Ban Heterosexual Marriage
The law was met with celebration by everyone still living in California, as they were all gay already.
Trump Announces New ‘Trump on Trial’ NFT on Sale for $83.3 Million
The judge reportedly denied Trump’s generous offer to give E. Jean Carroll the NFT as payment in full.
Texas Places Razor Wire Around The Alamo for Final Stand Against Biden
“Davy Crockett didn’t have razor wire, or a massive, heavily-armed citizenry. I like our chances.”
DeSantis Says He Will Try Running Again When He’s a Senile 75-Year-Old
“My time has not yet come. I still have complete control of my mental and physical faculties.”
World Economic Forum Concludes Event With Virgin Sacrifice to Weather Gods to Prevent Climate Change
“Praise be to Klaus Schwab and the deities who thirst for peasant blood.”
After Lackluster Showing, Nikki Haley Orders Bombing of Iowa
Support by defense contractors for Haley’s presidential campaign has since quadrupled.
History Made as United Airlines Reveals First All-Dachshund Flight Crew
The groundbreaking decision was made as part of a bold initiative to promote an unprecedented level of inclusion.
Hillary Clinton Seen at Bass Pro Shops Buying New Sniper Rifle
Sources say her visit has nothing to do with the recent public release of Jeffrey Epstein court records.
Claudine Gay Gives Tearful Resignation Speech Entitled ‘Gettysburg Address’
“It’s a tragedy to lose such a gifted writer and orator,” said one 4th-year student who attended the speech.
Top Opinion
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Matthew Continetti Will the Biden-Trump Debates Even Matter?
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Rich Lowry Harrison Butker Is Right About Men and Women
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David Harsanyi Biden’s Tariffs Are Bad. Biden’s Tariffs Coupled With EV Mandates Are Even Worse.
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Michael Reagan It’s All About November 5, America
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Gary Bauer Biden’s Border Baloney
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Michael Barone The World’s — and the Pacific Rim’s — Disastrous Population Implosion
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Victor Davis Hanson The Biden Reelection Strategy
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Josh Hammer Will Democrats Pay a Price for Their Cynical, Crumbling Lawfare Strategy?
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